Komiks at iba pa

HUWAG MALIBOK 

JOEkS Laang

             SHARING PEANUTS

                   (Thanks to Roming Gumban)

A tour bus driver named Gilbert is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.
She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.  
After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.
She repeats this gesture about five more times.
When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, 'Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?'..
'We can't chew them because we've no teeth', she replied.

The puzzled driver asks, 'Why do you buy them then?'
The old lady replied, 'We just suck the chocolate around them.' 

It pays to be careful around old people

Grenades

Ding and Dong find three hand grenades and decide to take them to the police station.

"What if one of them explodes before we get there?" asks Ding.

"Don't worry about it," says Dong. We'll just lie and tell them we only found two."

 Italian Pasta Diet- It Really Works!

 A stock analyst and a Wall Street broker went to the race-
track. The broker suggested betting $12,000 on a certain
horse. The analyst was skeptical; he had never been to the
races before and wanted to understand the rules and look
over all the horses before placing a wager.

"You're too cautious and detail-oriented," the broker
criticized as he placed his large bet. His horse won and
he raked in a bundle of money.

"What's your secret?" the analyst asked.

"It's simple," the broker explained. "I have two kids...
ages two and six...so I add their ages together and bet on
number nine."

"But two and six is eight, not nine!" protested the analyst.

"See!" the broker replied, "I told you you're too cautious
and detail-oriented."

As a realtor, I deal with all types of people. Recently, I
showed a home to a couple who seemed eager to check out the
fantastic view from the living room. But when I dramatically
pulled back the drapes, the disappointed husband asked,
"Where is the view? Those mountains must be blocking it."

ORIGINAL QUOTES 

If you love someone,
Set him free.
If he comes back, he’s yours.
If he doesn’t, it was never meant to be….

PESSIMIST:
if you love someone, Set him free.
If he ever comes back, he’s yours.
If he doesn’t, as expected, he never was.
Whatever gave you the idea that he would anyway?

OPTIMIST:
If you love someone, Set him free.
Don’t worry, he’ll come back.

SUSPICIOUS:
If you love someone, Set him free.
If he ever comes back, ask him why.

IMPATIENT:
If you love someone, Set him free.
If he doesn’t come back within a week
forget it.

PATIENT:
If you love someone, Set him free.
If he doesn’t come back put your life on
hold and sit and wait.

PLAYFUL:
If you love someone, Set him free.
If he comes back, and if you love him still,
set him free again *repeat*

THE HUMAN ECOLOGIST:
If you love someone, Set him free.
In fact, all living creatures deserve to be free!!

LAWYERS:
If you love someone, Set him free.
Clause 1a of Paragraph 13a - 1 in the second amendment of the Matrimonial
Freedom Act clearly states that…

BILL GATES:
If you love someone, Set him free.
If he comes back, I think we can charge him for re-installation fees and
tell him that he’s also going to get an upgrade.

BIOLOGIST:
if you love someone, Set him free.
he’ll evolve.

STATISTICIAN:
If you love someone, Set him free.
If he loves you, the probability of his coming back is high.
If he doesn’t, your relation was improbable anyway.

SCHWARZENEGGER’S FANS:
If you love someone, Set him free.
HE’LL BE BACK!

OVER POSSESIVE PERSON:
If you love someone, don’t set him free.

THE FBI AGENT:
If you love someone, set him free.
Then put bug on his phone and surveillance cameras in his house.

THE PATHETIC:
If you love someone, set him free.
Who wants to be stuck with a loser like you anyway?

THE LAWYER
If you love someone, set him free.
Then sue him for emotional distress.

THE PSYCHO:
if you love someone, set him free.
If he doesn’t come back shoot him.

THE CREEPY SOCIOPATH:
If you love someone, stalk him.

Repair Estimate

When my printer's type began to grow faint, I called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed me that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned. Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he told me, I might be better off reading the printer's manual and trying the job myself.

Pleasantly surprised by his candor, I asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?"

"Actually it's my boss's idea," the employee replied sheepishly. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first."