YANO YAN AY!
JOEkS Laang 2


BADANG: Sino ba ang nagsabing si Manny Pacquiao at Lito Lapid ay walang karapatang kumandidato dahil sila'y “unqualified professional entertainers."
TWINKLE: It's Ely Pamatong, a presidential candidate who said: “Both Pacquiao and Lapid are politically blind, being unschooled in the art of governance and politically leadership. We cannot just simply hold our hands akimbo and idiotically watch our republic being feasted upon by these power-hungry political pedestrians who want to grab everything in sight."
BADANG: Maloloki aki. Pero masaya rin kapag may gay-an. Maigi ring gat-an. Isa-Tagalog mo nga ang sey nya.

BADANG: Anong masasabi mo sa karumaldumal na Maguindanao masaker?
TWINKLE: It was not an outburst of uncontrollable anger – it was premeditated. Where the perpetrators’ conviction to carry out the killings had materialized, it developed into frenzied baseness, not only to rob the victims of their lives, but their honor and dignity as well. It was rape, it was mutilation, it was execution, it was the most vicious form of murder perpetrated by the most grotesque version of human beings.
BADANG: Nakapanindig ng balahibo naman. Parang bumalintong ang aking menudensya sa iyong tinuran. Sana, tahimik ang ating bansa.
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BADANG: Nanlululumo ako rito sa sa report na umabot na sa 57 ang walang awang pinaslang sa Maguindanao. Talagang nakakapanginig ng laman.
TWINKLE: The Philippines had one of the highest rates of journalist killings in the world even prior to this heinous episode of barbarism. The clear role that warlordism plays in this, one of the bloodiest episodes in recent Philippine history, should not absolve the government of its accountability for the larger environment it has tolerated, patronized and therefore nurture.
BADANG: Kung kakampi ng administrasyon ang may pasimuno nito, kamukat-mukat nati'y mauuwi sa balswals ang lahat.
BADANG: May tama ka. Pustahan tayo, tiyak may magsusulsol na agad dyan na iindorso ang kanilang kandidatura. Logro dyes!
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BADANG: Mukhang naglulumpatan na ang mga pulitiko naka-angkla sa administrasyon.
TWINKLE: The departure of several key leaders and the expected intramurals among the ruling party will turn convert it from a dominant political party into a political weakling. I expect many administratiion bets who might win to switch party loyalty once an opposition candidate is elected president. For sure, the switcheroo will be completed before one could finish saying the magic word “pork barrel.”
BADANG: Sa simula nga, namamangka muna sa dalawang ilog habang nakatanaw sa pampang. Pero yung iba lumarga nang maging balimbing.

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BADANG: Continue the going pa rin ang ugaling Pinoy na humingi ng payo sa mga pumanaw nating ninuno.
TWINKLE: It is interesting that our culture teaches us to reach out to our dead ancestors for advice on our personal problems. Whether we believe in life after death or not, we commune with them to settle old misunderstandings and to assure them of our fidelity to promises made. (Read more for related article)
BADANG: Hindi ako magiispanta dyan dahil kitam naman, hangos pauwi kahit may signos ng bagyo at puno ang sementeryo tuwing todos los santos.
Weird Meaning: CEMETERY - The last resort.

TWINKLE: There are fears of large-scale fraud, machine breakdowns, electricity cuts and other disasters that could happen, considering the process has been untested here and elsewhere in the world. The Filipino voting public has become very cynical when it comes to the legitimacy of elections hereabouts. And when it comes to choosing their leader, they are even more skeptical.
BADANG: Nadadala na siguro ang madlang pipol. Puro promise na lang kasi habang campaigning pero kapag nakaluklok na sa pwesto, nagkaka-amnesia.
Weird Meaning: ELECTION - The process by which the winners are decided not by the voters but those who are in charge of the counting.
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BADANG: Totoo bang may pagkakaiba ang teachers sa private and public schools?
TWINKLE: In the private school, a teacher needs to give beyond what they already know, a teacher must be at least 10 books ahead 
of them, a lot of preparation and teaching strategies are to be employed. In the public school where most of the students are deprived and less privileged, both economically and socially, a teacher faces the great task of bringing out the best in them and the most of what they know.
BADANG: Hay naku, mataas kasi matrikula sa private schools kaya dehins pwede ang mga poor. Adyo ka nga muna at kunin mo yung malapni. Paglalagyan ko nitong nabili kong talimago.
Weird Meaning: EDUCATION - Teaching a child how to talk then how to keep quiet.
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BADANG: Kwento nung kumare kong taga Sabang, legal syang na-recruit bilang mananahi sa Korea. Pero pagdating dun, isinabak sya bilang factory worker. Ayun, umuwing luhaan dahil hindi nya nakayanan.
TWINKLE: It is not always that migrant workers' job are what they were recruited. Some are assigned to do other jobs, have to operate heavy machinery or work with dangerous chemicals with little or no training or protective equipment, and suffer a disproportionate number of industrial accidents. Women migrant workers are particularly at risk because many are sexually assaulted or harassed by the management or their co-workers.
BADANG: Kaya nga OKs na ako dito sa aking pagmamanikyur plus sideline na pangungubra ng lotto at pasingit na jueteng. Sa konting kita, may pang load at tong-its na.
Weird Meaning: WORK - The worst thing that you can do for your health.

BADANG: Ganda ng panahon ngayon, lumihis ang bagyo. Pero maiba ako sa usapan, ano kayang bagay ang magpapabago sa mga taong nahihirati sa pagkakasala?
TWINKLE: Love is the keyword, which we should remember. We 
cannot change the sinful structure at once. It should start from person. Love must start in everybody, in a small scale and have to grow. A lot of things happen if we open up to love. Let's put away our prejudices and look at our worries with our new eyes.
BADANG: Dukhawin mo yung pakaskas dyan sa banggerahan at makapag matamis. Naalibadbaran ako sinabi mo kasi dehins ko ma-gets.
Weird Meaning: LOVE - The most fun you can have without laughing.
Weird Meaning: NATIONAL DEBT - The country's most outstanding figure.

BADANG: Totoo bang nangyayari ngayon, tuliro na ang mga Pinoy kaya madaling kaya madaling utuin ng mga pulitiko tuwing eleksyon sa pamamagitan ng mga boladas?


BADANG: Nakakasuka na ang usapang Ondoy at Pepeng. Puro dakdak. Balugbugan mo nga ang mga kinauuukulan dito.
TWINKLE: Everyone will need to change something, and cooperation will be needed from all levels. To start things along and avoid misconception in governance, our so-called leaders and heads of concerned government agencies must come up with concrete plans to address the problems of overpopulation, garbage disposal, illegal logging, quarrying and over-development of urban areas. Our leaders, national and local, need to quit adding to the garbage by ceasing their pointless talk, pointless activities, finger-pointing and posturing to pay attention to their own backyard
BADANG: Nasa mapuyog sila sa pusngat ng iyong mga sinabi. Hindi naman puod ang kokote ng ating opisyales para hindi nila maintindihan na galit na ang mga tao.
Weird Meaning: MISCONCEPTION - The pregnancy that begins while observing birth control.
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BADANG: Baken sa lasa ko'y iwas pusoy sa kanilang programa de gobyerno ang mga kandidato? Di kaya, dahil alaws o alaws nag-uurirat?
TWINKLE: When nobody asks about any program of government, it is because none is expected. Yet, there was interest in the coming elections and in the personalities who posture to be candidates. All the more so towards those who had been spending from tens of millions to hundreds of millions in media advertisements. Filipinos, even among the poorest, know in their guts that programs of government are not what get candidates elected, or not elected. Platforms for governance have no meaning anymore, especially when members of political parties cannot even memorize the philosophy of what their parties really stand for that makes them distinct from their rivals.
BADANG: Mas may bentahe talaga kapag pogi o may datung ang isang kandidato. Sayang nga laang, kahit kampante ako sa beauty ko, kapalang naman ako sa ipalas.
Weird Meaning: PHILOSOPHY - Unintelligble dissertation and multifarious yet mouthful response to insoluble problems.
BADANG: Mga iskwater pala ang sinisisi sa baha sa Metro Manila. May balita rin na mga contractors ng kalsada ang may kasalanan at kinakalampag din ang mga local officials sa kanilang pagpapabaya.
TWINKLE: I am more inclined to think the odds militate against an urgent inculcation of a collective sense of social responsibility, given our puerile obstinacy to mend our ways. Like I often disapprovingly say, we Filipinos are generally sticks in the mud in the pursuit of national unity and progress. Everybody should be blamed, in varying degrees, for the criminal mindlessness of ozone perforations and clogged-up sewers and waterways. Ondoy, certainly, had left behind some lessons to learn from, particularly the value of human life, synergistic human interaction, and the countless blessings that we all can count.
BADANG: Naku, stop na nga ang turuan. Mabuti nga at kalmado na sa may kuyasinan, pwede nang pumalaot ang mga maghahapin.
Weird Meaning: PROGRESS - To end result of things not attended by Congress.

BADANG: Sa gitna ng napalaking danyos ni Ondoy, hala nga, ano naman ang sey mo?
TWINKLE: The government and the private sector should now think one step ahead of the current situation and ponder the next phase of the work — rehabilitation. Both should act swiftly and massively not only because the situation calls for it. They should step on it because doing so would not only restore some sense of normalcy to the lives of the victims and their families or entire communities. Such coordinated response executed ahead of an election season could rocket-propel the economy from its lethargic growth clip to a blockbuster performance next year.
BADANG: Walandyo, paras pakinggan nyan kahit dehins gets ang meaning. Pero, mangyayari ba? Lalo na ngayon at hangalan 2010 na ang inaatupag ng mga gustong maglingkod kuno.
Weird Meaning: REHABILITATION - The act of rebuilding the damaged properties based on inflated cost of construction in aid of reelection.

BADANG: Bakit naman pati miembro ng urban poor ay nadamay? Wala naman yata silang kinita dyaan.

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BADANG: Ano kaya ang magandang rason bakit binabanatan ni Lacson si Erap eh dati silang magkasangga?
TWINKLE: There are those who think that to accuse your former boss, there is a bigger picture behid. There is also the metaphor that some people are using to support this theory is that of a drowning man who is splashing around, clutching at anything and anyone around him, in the process dragging them down with him.
BADANG: Dyaan makikitang maligmik talaga ang pulitika. Kaya nga yanong tanggi kong kumandidato kahit sa barangay.
Weird Meaning: ACCUSE - Most commonly used as a justification of ourselves for having wronged somebody.
TWINKLE: One really cannot see comfort and valuable historical truth while allowing even token genuflection at the yellow ribbon because even a hint of respect for it reinforces a myriad of lies in the service of oligarchic and corporatocratic exploitation.
BADANG: Sa oras ng eleksyon, technicolor na ang labanan dahil parang butterfly, iba-iba kulay ang maglalabasan. Pero ang magiging matingkad na kulay ay berde, ang kadatungan.
Weird Meaning: COMFORT - A state of mind produced by a contemplation of a neighbor's uneasiness.
TWINKLE: There are apprehensions that because it will be the first time we will be using automated counting machines under a still untested system, the potentials of a failure of elections are real. The computers may be tampered with “so as to cause intentional breakdown” while the wirings may be “short-circuited.
BADANG: Puro agrangay naman ang mga pipol. Na-imagine ko, dating sigaw ng mga olat: Pag tinalo, dinaya!
Weird Meaning: AUTOMATED POLLS - The recent inovation in our election to avoid the repetition of Hello Garci bu may pave the way for electing more fools.
BADANG: Hirap mamimili kung sino ang magiging manok natin sa pagka presidente. TWINKLE: Voting for a president is essentially an emotional exercise. For the troops, it is passion versus the political machine, guerrilla tactics vs conventional warfare, good vs evil, class warfare at its fiercest. But for those who are elected but not able to deliver, it's a blame game. BADANG: Ang sabihin mo, labanan ng kung sinong may datung. Pista na naman sa matinik sa araw ng eleksyon. Weird Meaning: ELECTION - A process of voting for a leader but those elected are not necessarily the ones voted for. 
BADANG: Diskusyon sa radio ang old traditional politics. Ano ba yun?
TWINKLE: The old traditional politics is a politics of personality. And the politics of personality is a part of the larger traditional politics of “winnability”. The old politics believes that one of the key ingredients of winnability, is to have a personality with name recall and national exposure. That is why traditional politics is like a circus filled with candidates who are clowns, showbiz personalities and those who have lots of money to spend on advertising in TV, radio, and newspapers.
BADANG: Awanta. Makapag hanap buhay na nga para may pambili ng load. Text mo na lang ako kapag tsitsibug na ha?
Weird Meaning: CIRCUS- Animals acting like people and people acting like animals.
TWINKLE: The plethora of mini-sectors of Philippine society represented in Congress by party-list representatives suggests anti-marginalization having run amuck. Every minor profession and every mini-activity in this country now wants its "cause" to be represented in Congress.
BADANG: Hindi yata umobra yung alyansa ng magsasabong. Next time, pati raw grupo ng magto tong-its, lalantak din!
Weird Meaning: CONGRESS - A place where people are always in agreement to disagree on everything under the sun except on their pork barrel allocations.
***
BADANG: Palagi nga akong pasang awa at muntik-muntikan nang mahulog.
BADANG: Kinikerbyos ako kapag naiisip na gurang na tayo at amoy lupa na. Baka madalang na ang magpahinuko sa akin.
TWINKLE: If we didn't live venturously, plucking the wild goat by the beard, and trembling over precipices, we should never be depressed, I've no doubt; but already should be faded, fatalistic and aged.

BADANG: Tama bang pag naging popular ang isang tao o may nagawang kabutihan, kaagad itong susulsulang pumasok sa pulitika?
TWINKLE: Rather than wallowing in elitism or looking glassy eyed at past glories or what could have been, we should be looking at the track-record of people to see what they have done and if their accomplishments can be generalized elsewhere. There is much that can be done to improve our governance and the voters must be on the lookout for those who nurture ambition to be in the public service.
BADANG: Malabo yan dahil ngayon popularity contest ang eksena tuwing may eleksyon. Ang may kakayahan pero dehins maporma at no datung, no pansin.
Weird Meaning: AMBITION - An overpowering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.
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BADANG: Ilang buwan na lang at hangalan na naman. Nag-start nang maglundagan ang mga pulitiko kung saang partido may datung at mas pabor sa kanila
TWINKLE: In societies with a more developed party system, the party-hopper (balimbing) might expect to be met with a wave of condemnation from his or her members. Not only that, but any offer to return to the fold would probably be met with irate rejection. The problem here is that Philippine mainstream parties have very few, if any, members who really bound to follow the political platform of their affiliations.
BADANG: Alaw delicadeza todits ang mga pulitiko. Pakapalmuksan ang mas uso.
Weird Meaning: POLITICAL PLATFORM - A stage constructed entirely of springboards.

BADANG: Pinagtatalunan sa radio yung vox populi, vox dei. Dapat bang bumilib dun?
TWINKLE: "Nec audiesto sunt qui solet docere, ‘Vox populi, vox Dei,’ cum tumultousitas vulgi simper insanitas proxima est."
The literal translation in English: "Do not listen to those who are accustomed to claim ’the voice of the people is the voice of God’ because the tumult of the masses is close to insanity!"
BADANG: Walandyo naman, nag-latin ka pa! Eh kung laitin kata dyaan!
Weird Meanng: TUMULT - Those who are advocating vox populi, vox dei might be seeing ghost during the lunar interlude.



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A Not-So-Deserted Island
Ed finally decides to take a vacation. He books himself on a
Caribbean cruise and proceeds to have the time of his life, until the boat sinks. He finds himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing. Only bananas and coconuts.![]()
After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to him.
In disbelief, he asks her, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"
"I rowed from the other side of the island," she says. "I landed here when my cruise ship sank."![]()
"Amazing," he says. "You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you."![]()
"Oh, this?" replies the woman. "I made the rowboat out of raw materials I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches, I wove the bottom from palm branches, and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."
"But-but, that's impossible," stutters Ed. "You had no tools or
hardware. How did you manage?"![]()
"Oh, that was no problem," replies the woman. "On the south side of the island, there is a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed. I found if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware."
Ed is stunned.![]()
"Let's row over to my place," she says.
After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf. As Ed looks onto shore, he nearly falls out of the boat. Before him is a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, he could only stare ahead, dumbstruck. As they walk into the house, she says casually,
"It's not much, but I call it home. Sit down please. Would you like to have a drink?"![]()
"No, no thank you," he says, still dazed. "I can't take any more coconut juice."
"It's not coconut juice," the woman replies. "I have a still. How
about a Pina Colada?"![]()
Trying to hide his continued amazement, he accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk.
After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom."![]()
No longer questioning anything, Ed goes into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet, is a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened onto its end inside of a swivel mechanism.![]()
"Wow! This woman is amazing," he muses. "What next?"
When returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines, strategically positioned, and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons for him to sit down next to her.![]()
"Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've been out here for a really long time. You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for all these months. You know..."
She stares into his eyes. He can't believe what he's hearing: "You
mean----", he swallows excitedly, "I can check my e-mail from here?"







Cute Dog Quotes
The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue. - Anonymous
Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. - Ann Landers
If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went. - Will Rogers
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself. - Josh Billings
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. - Andy Rooney
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner
A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. - Robert Benchley
Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. - Franklin P. Jones
If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise. - Unknown
My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That's almost $21.00 in dog money. - Joe Weinstein
Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul -- chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth! - Anne Tyler
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein
You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look hat says, 'Wow, you're right! I never would've thought of that!' - Dave Barry
If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them. - Phil Pastoret
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Marriage Lines.... (Thanks to Ming Gumban)
Wife: 'What are you doing?'
Husband: Nothing.
Wife: 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriagecertificatefor an hour.'
Husband: 'I was looking for the expiration date.'
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Wife : 'Do you want dinner?'
Husband: 'Sure! What are my choices?'
Wife: 'Yes or no.'
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Wife: 'You always carry my photo in your wallet.. Why?'
Hubby: 'When there is a problem, no matter how great, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.'
Wife: 'You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?'
Hubby: 'Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?'
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Stress Reliever Girl: 'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.'
Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.'
Girl: 'Well that's because we aren't married yet.'
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Son: 'Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.'
Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing.'
Son: 'But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.'
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A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'
'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'
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Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
The guy replies: 'Thanks for the early warning.'
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A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'
He looked at her from head to toe and replied:'I like your sense of humor!'
Is there a perfect Man and Woman? CLICK HERE Philippine TriviaInteresting Facts Every Filipinos Should Know
(Shared by Atty. Sonny Pulgar)
***
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HUWAG MALIBOK JOEKS LaAng
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Interesting Ads and Signs
We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent.
Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
Save regularly in our bank. You'll never reget it. .
For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.
Offer expires December 31 or while supplies last
Stock up and save. Limit: one
We build bodies that last a lifetime
See ladies blouses. 50% Off!
Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops! Ladies and gentlemen, now you can have a bikini for a ridiculous figure.
Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!
For sale: A quilted high chair that can be made into a table, potty chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.
Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
Christmans tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.
Auto Repair Service. Free pickup and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.
Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale
And now, the Superstore - unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.
When you are thirsty, try 7-Up, the refreshing drink in the green bottle with the big 7 on it and Up after.
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Back then...
...A computer was something on TV from a science fiction show, a window was something you hated to clean, and ram was the cousin of a goat.
Meg was the name of my girlfriend, and gig was something you did on stage for money; now they all mean different things and that really mega bytes.
An application was for employment, a program was a TV show, a cursor used profanity, and a keyboard was a piano.
Memory was something that you lost with age, a CD was a bank account...
Compress was something you did to the garbage, not something you did to a file, and if you unzipped anything in public you'd be in jail for a while.
Log on was adding wood to the fire, hard drive was a long trip on the road, a mouse pad was where a mouse lived, and a backup happened to your commode.
Cut you did with a pocketknife, paste you did with glue, a web was a spider's home, and a virus was the flu.
I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper and the memory in my head. I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash but when it happens they wish they were dead. ![]()
Linguistics
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive.
In some languages though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative."
"However," he pointed out, "there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."
A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah. Right."
***Energy
Engineering classes at the University of Maryland are tough, and struggling students sometimes go to extremes in order to pass. Grading exams one semester, I got to this question: "What is the relationship between kinetic and potential energy?"
One student, obviously stumped, decided to get clever and wrote, "As far as I know, they're just friends, but there could be something else going on there."
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YANO YAN AY!