YANO YAN AY!
HUWAG MALIBOK
JOEkS Laang
BADANG: Sa pagkamatay pa rin ni Trina Etong, anong say mo baken ang mga arresting officers ang napupuruhan ngayon ng mga pagbatikos?
TWINKLE: They effected the arrest belatedly without any warrant of arrest and this shows that the police really have no idea what they were doing. If the police made the arrest shortly after the admission that they sanitized the crime scene, the need for a warrant of arrest would not have been required. What’s worse is the behavior of arresting officers when they finally decided to make the arrest right at the hospital room.
BADANG: Palso naman palang talaga. Hindi sila makakahiwat sa pananagutan. Pero abangan rin natin, parang teleserye na ang kwento.
Weird Meaning: HOSPITAL ROOM - A place where friends of the patient go to talk to other friends of the patient.
BADANG: Itong kaso sa pagkamatay ng wife ni Ted Failon na si Trina Etong, nauwi sa pagkondena sa mga lespu dahil sa kanilang hindi magandang pamamaraan ng pag aresto.
TWINKLE: Our police officials, inspite of being law implementors, really need to learn to be more “human.” Very often, what victims really need is empathy and concern rather than swift solutions. We all know that crimes take some time to solve. Of course we want solutions, but we first want them to be a reassuring presence; to convince us that something is being done.
BADANG: Awanta sa mga pulis. Gusto sigurong makita ang sarili sa TV kaya yun, nagpapogi at na-televised naman. Ngayon in the news sila, binabatikos at suspendido pa.
Weird Meaning: Law - A net to catch the fly and let the hawk go free.
BADANG: Sang-ayon dito sa talaan, karamihan pala ng mga health workers at ibang trabahador sa US, mga noypi!
TWINKLE: Even the global economic crisis has not weakened the demand for health professionals. Lured by salaries many times higher than what they can hope to earn in their country, thousands health professionals and workers have left the Philippines for jobs overseas in the past years. But the exodus has prompted the shutdown of several private hospitals across the country to include some government hospitals and medical centers.
BADANG: Kaya pala nakapila ang pasyente ng arbularyong si Mang Kepweng. Wala pang problema sa reseta dahil sa dahon ng sambong o lagundi, may madadampot na dyan sa kabilang bakuran.
Weird Meaning: HEALTH - What people are always drinking to before they fall down.
BADANG: Ngayong pasko ng pagkabuhay, anong magandang panawagan ang dapat iparating sa balana tungo sa pagkakaisa sa gitna ng pagkawatak-watak at krisis pinansyal?
TWINKLE: We can only build a better nation but no one can build it alone. Together, we can do this by commemorating the good that others have done in support of truth versus lies; by consecrating our present in the works of justice and peace; and by celebrating the small acts of victory in the campaign to build a better nation.
BADANG: Sana nga'y may gay-an. Kawasa at pirming naghahari'y crab mentality kaya balswals yang working together. Sya sige, Happy Easter na laang!!!
Weird Meaning: EASTER BUNNY – A kind of skin desease Aling Ester or anyone can get from eating too much crab from Calauag.
BADANG: Ang semana santa ay palagi nagpapagunita sa atin ng krus at
kalbaryo ng buhay. Ang tanong, may pag-asa pa ba tayong guminhawa ang buhay.
TWINKLE: If we wanted success in life, we should traverse the way of the cross which is the right way. No shortcuts, no easy way. In life, there are so many challenges that would either strengthen or weaken us. Many people fail in this test, of succeeding in life through hardships and righteousness because its easier to fall prey on evil doings and wind-up being a criminal.
BADANG: Awantaba, sandamakmak na ang taong gumagawa ng lisya kaya overcrowded na ang mga kalabusan. Kaya nga ata totoo yung sinasabing marami ang masasadlak sa dagat-dagatang apoy.
Weird Meaning: Criminal - A person with predatory instincts who has not sufficient capital to form a corporation.
BADANG: Mahal na araw na, dapat tayo’y magpakabanal. Amen!
TWINKLE: What makes saintliness in my view, as distinguished from ordinary goodness, is a certain quality of magnanimity and greatness of soul that brings life within the circle of the heroic.
BADANG: Dyuskuday, nangaral ang santa santita! Pero true yan, linisin natin ang ating puso sa pamamagitan ng pagawa ng kabutihan.
Weird Meaning: Saintliness – The image they portrayed the ways of a dead sinner when the story of his life was revised and edited.
BADANG: Nag-apologize na ang mokong na tunawag sa Pinas na bansa ng mga muchacho. Satirical piece lang daw eh ang ibig bang sabihin, jokening lang?
TWINKLE: Like any country in the world, the Philippines hopes to achieve progress and obtain respectability for all its citizens. While it is true that many mistakes have been made and perhaps continue to be made, indeed we are still at a very chaotic crossroads, it is unkind and unnecessary for anyone to add insult to a nation’s injury by proclaiming one’s demeaning prejudices for a cheap laugh. Like any country in the world, the Philippines hopes to achieve progress and obtain respectability for all its citizens.
BADANG: Kahit last minute preparation, rumeskbak din ang Hongkong OFWs at aguyod silang dumating sa isang rally upang tuligsain ang pang babastyan sa lahing noypi. Proud to be Filipino!
Weird Meaning: Last Minute - If it wasn't for this time, nothing would get done.
BADANG: Ako’y nag-iispanta dito sa celphone, eksplika mo nga kung paano ito gumagana?
TWINKLE: A phone call or text message initially travels wirelessly from a handset to the closest base-station tower and is then transferred through wired links to the digital pipes of the telephone network, and then, near its destination, converted back into a wireless signal to traverse the final leg, from tower to handset. But text messages are not just tiny; they are also free riders, tucked into what’s called a control channel, space reserved for operation of the wireless network. That simple
BADANG: Simple lang pala, pero dehins ko rin ma-gets. Pasa load mo nga ako kahit 10 lang. Alaws pa akong atik, pag ganitong cuaresma, mga parokyano ko nasa pabasa, arimuhan din ang salabat at galyetas na tsibug dun.
Weird Meaning: - CELPHONE - A wireless device by which personal conversation can be interrupted from great distances.
BADANG: Bilib din ako sa tapang ng ating mga kababayan na makipagsapalaran sa ibang bansa
TWINKLE: Courage is a special kind of knowledge; the knowledge of how to fear what ought to be feared and how not to fear what ought not to be feared. From this knowledge comes an inner strength that inspires us to push on in the face of great difficulty. What can seem impossible is often possible with courage.
BADANG: Talaga namang hindi kuryugon ang mga noypi. Tamo, kapag may away at kahit barilan, nandun sila at nakatanghod, para lang nanonood ng shooting ng pelikula.
Weird Meaning: COURAGE – Ignorance of the facts.
BADANG: Sa kawalan ng available jobs, hindi na dapat mamili ang mga naghahanap ng trabaho sa ngayon.
TWINKLE: At this time, it is important that we redirect ourselves towards the trend in employment if we indeed want one. Some people can afford waiting for the right time to find and get their dream job but for those who needed immediate employment, its a must that they study the employment trend and see how they can fit their skills and capability to what’s in-demand.
BADANG: Mas OK pa nga kung marunong magkarpentero, mason, welder. Kahit sa tabi-tabi lang, may kayod ka na.
Weird Meaning: DREAM JOB – This job is for gamblers who dream of numbers as basis for their bets in lotto & jueteng.
BADANG: May halumigmig na may nagpaplano ng rebolusyon para raw biglang mabago ang takbo ng gobyerno.
TWINKLE: A real revolution begins from a radical uprooting of what is rotten in the system and structure, a total overhauling of the institutions of any country so tainted with chronic corruption deeply rooted into the cultural paradigms of every citizen and epitomized in its worst form by the corrupt leaders.
BADANG: Sinong atapang a-tao ang pagpapasimuno ng rebolusyon? Ngayon, watak-watak at matapang lang sa salita pero kuryogon pag nandyan na ang laban.
Weird Meaning: REVOLUTION - In politics, an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.
BADANG: Akala ko galing magmemorize ni Obama sa kanyang speeches, may gamit daw na teleprompter. Ano ba yun?
TWINKLE: The teleprompter isn't some space-age interdimensional portal that automatically injects your audience with nitrous oxide and mild doses of heroin, drugging them into an involuntary state of euphoric torpor. It simply allows the reader to deliver a speech without looking down at the podium. That's all.
BADANG: Maryaw yun, that's all eh may naintindihan kaya ako sa sinabi mo? Ay, maglukdo ka ng talong sa pagpapa-anyo. Kapag may sintones o bagoong, ayos na pangulam na yan sa tanghalian natin.
Weird PODIUM - A place from which an speaker energetically expounds the wisdom, virtue and power of the rabble.
To escape criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.
The only problem with doing nothing is I don ‘t know when I’m done.
Of you do something right, few or no one remembers.
Do something wrong, no one forgets.
But if you did something and didn’t succeed.
Destroy everything that you tried.
BADANG: Graduation days na naman at maluknot ako kasi hindi ako naka-graduate. Naiinip kasi ako sa loob ng iskul.
TWINKLE: Rest when you are weary but do not quit. Achievement belongs to those who can go the full distance. If it's important enough to start, it's important enough to finish. Be sure to always take the next step, for it could very well be the one that finally gets you there
BADANG: Tama ka ‘day! Nawili akong magtamban dahil inutig ako ng mga klasmeyt ko yun bumaba ang grade ko tuluyang nahulog.
Weird Meaning: GRADE - Unrealistic and limited measure of academic accomplishment.
BADANG: Ang gara ng opis sa kapitolyo, ang lamig sa loob. May namataan nga akong natutulog, oras ng trabaho.
TWINKLE: Maybe it’s now high time to demand people in government hiding in their airconditioned rooms and enjoying leisure to go out and go where the people needs them whether in the hinterlands or in the mountains where people hardly saw government men and women where their services are needed most.
BADANG: Ay awan ba naman sa mga yan. Eh tayo, hanap ng deskanso kapag mainit samantalang ang mga burnaol, rapsa ng haybu.
Weird Meaning: LEISURE – Time given the worker to play and the player to work.
BADANG: News broadcast noong isang araw na order ni Obama na pautangin ng World Bank ng 3 bilyong dolares para labanan ang korapsyon sa Pinas?
TWINKLE: It’s clear that America’s first black President is sticking to the usual approach that has marked American foreign policy in the last hundred or so years. Meaning, the US government will support any and all kinds of foreign governments, regardless of their morals, ideology and politics, as long as those governments serve America’s foreign policy interest.
BADANG: Nakakaispanta at nakakadismaya naman yan kung aking gunam-gunamin. Eh aling bansa ba ang numero uno sa korapsyon, sinong tatanggap ng datung para banggain ang korapsyon? Teka, manikurista lang ako, bakit ba may dialogue akong ganito?
Weird Meaning: News Broadcast - A device for amusing one half of the world with the other half’s troubles.
BADANG: Ano ba toits at biglang bumaligtad sa NICOLE sa rape case laban sa sundalong kano?
TWINKLE: Our justice system has failed her. Our government has failed her. We have failed her. And if we can’t protect and serve justice to one of our citizens, how about the thousands of other crime victims out there who might now be feeling disheartened and desperate because of the turn of events?
BADANG: Dyuskuday, mapipitiw aki! Ang daming rally at demonstrasyon ang nangyari sa pagsuporta kay Nicole, ganun na lang? Dehins kaya may kababalaghang nakatago sa dako pa roon? Abangan ang susunod na kabanata sa pagpapatuloy ng dramang pang 24 oras.
Weird Meaning: RECANT – The written or oral manifestation signifying that a person cannot sing the lyrics of the song even if he/she knows how to read. |
BADANG: Nandyan ang masa, middle class at mga rich. Mayroon pa bang ibang grupo na nasa likod ng mga politicians?
TWINKLE: The most dangerous are the king-makers with the fabulous war chests. It is they who think of politics as nothing more than an extension of the economy, and of government as merely a department in a business empire. When the politics of a country is captured by such king-makers, leadership is divorced from the national interest, and is created and traded just like any other commodity.
BADANG: Silong-silo sila sa mga sinabi mo. Mga bardagul na negosyo ang naglalagay at nag-aalis ng namumuno segun sa kanilang diskarte at pangsariling interes.
Weird Meaning: POLITICS - A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage
BADANG: Mayroon na tayong mga poor or masa at middle class, anong naman ang papel nitong mayayaman at elitista?
TWINKLE: The elite’s preoccupation is how to protect, if not enlarge, their base of political/economic power and continue the entitlements, prestige, and privilege to which they and generations of their kind have been accustomed to. They support or oppose candidates publicly but in actuality, they support more than one candidates to be sure they are in the winning side.
BADANG: Yano yan ay! Seguristang balimbing sa madlang salita.
Weird Meaning: OPPOSE - To assist with obstructions and objections.
BADANG: Ano ba yang tinatawag na middle class sa ating sosyedad? Paminsan-minsan, naririnig nating nakikihalo rin sila sa mga kilos protesta.
TWINKLE: The middle class, for the most part, would prefer to be left alone to live their separate lives in relative peace, minus interference from others and from government, so long as the situation does not threaten or affect them.
BADANG: Kawangki rin ng middle of the road, nasa gitna kasi. Pakilasa ko’y matamang nagmamasid laang habang nasa kanyang tsekot, tapos kakambyo at tatagudturin ang walang lubak.
Weird Meaning: Middle of the Road - Having a choice of two temptations and choosing the one that will get you home earlier
BADANG: Sabi ng isang komentarista, kulang sa idealismo at takot na raw
ang masa na pumunta sa kalsada at makilahok sa mga demonstrasyon laban
sa mga katiwaliang umiiral sa gobyerno.
TWINKLE: The masses are chained to the necessities of daily physical
survival and pragmatism. It’s not that they do not understand the higher
ideals, the lack of which they are lamenting. It’s just that there are more
urgent and basic needs they have to attend to first.
BADANG: Always naman, mga poor at hanay ng manggagawa ang
isinusugba dahil kapag may karahasang nangyari, sila ang nadededo,
binabambo o maghihimas ng rehas na bakal. Ang masakit, itong mga
humimok sa kanila upang makibaka, mamukat mukat mo’y ayun,
sila pala’y accomplice ng nasa kapangyarihan
Weird Meaning: Accomplice - The one who lacks brains as well as honesty.
BADANG: Asang asa tayo na maganda ang dating ng 2009, pero ano ito? Aguyod ang nag-uuwiang OFWs dahil sinibak sa kanilang trabaho sa abroad.
TWINKLE: These displaced economic migrants are coming home not in joyous anticipation but in great fear and anxiety over an uncertain future.
And if these weren’t enough, scandals of anomalies in government—a rapid succession of them; with the latest one always bigger, more outrageous than the last, eroding our strength, whittling away at our confidence in ourselves
and our country.
BADANG: Mapipihang ka talaga sa mga happenings ngayon. Hindi na tayo maka-utwa sa pagkakabulaos. Samantala, walang habas pa rin ang anomaly
sa gobyerno na sadyang nakakapang lupaypay.
Weird Meaning: Migration - A headache birds get when they fly down for
the winter.
Translation: When there's smoke, there's fire
BANDANG: Nasa balita ang nagsusulputang grupo sa hanay ng mga OFWs ang planong makilahok sa pulitika. Anong sey mo baga dyaan?
TWINKLE: Like the noble members of the propaganda movements during the Spanish colonization, today’s OFWs are coming home and forming their own La Liga Filipinas. With political will and focused determination, the OFWs’ historic decision to take part in Philippine governance serves as the epitome of their effective re-integration into the mainstream of Philippine society.
BADANG: In fairness, OK ngarud ang hangarin nila. Kaya nga laang, be ready sila sa big bang in politics. Sandamakmak ang napariwara in the short and long of time.
Weird Meaning: Big Bang - The primordial slap on the backside of the newborn universe.
BADANG: Nakakatuwang kausap ang isang gurang, ang daming kwento noong panahon ng hapon at very sharp pa rin ang pagiisip.
TWINKLE: One thing the oldies have is an acute historical sense usually derided as nostalgia trip or sentimental journey. Their memory of the past is still good compared with their recall of very recent events. At old age, their anxiety over total loss of memory is understandable .
BADANG: Nareparu ko nga sa mga pictures sa parade noong nakaraang alumni homecoming, hindi pahuhuli ang mga oldies. Yano ay, oragon pa rin kahit uugod-ugod na.
Weird Meaning: OLD AGE - A time when a man sees a pretty girl and it arouses his memory instead of his hopes.
BADANG: Nagkakakutsabahan na nga ba kung kaya wala nang direction dahil kanya-kanya at sila-sila na laang?
TWINKLE: Inspite of political platform while on campaign trail, once elected they are resorting to compromise and that’s what prevails. The independence of Congress is compromised because most of the traditional politicians that populate both of its houses transact with the executive branch that has been corrupted into the sacrifice of greater good and public interest in favor of selfish and immoderate greed.
BADANG: Nakaka bang-aw talaga. Para kang naglalakad sa lala-o, hindi mo alam mabubulaos ka at matitimbuwang kapag walang makapitan dahil tagpas na rin mga bakawan.
Weird Meaning: POLITIC PLATFORM – The stage constructed entirely of springboards.
BADANG: Ilang grupo pala ng kasundaluhan ang nananawagan para mabago ang takbo ng gobyerno. Hindi ko maarok, ikaw nga.
TWINKLE: The declaration went far beyond the issue of corruption and called for a government to actively promote the nation’s genuine independence from colonial economic masters. More particularly, it called for the abandonment of obscene foreign debt payment policies, a program of industrialization as well as a program of food independence.
BADANG: OK ngarud. sa halip na war, peace ang gusto nila. Ang problem nga laang, sa sandamakmak na gustong mag-presidente, sino namang herodes ang iboboto na may K para gawin ang mga bagay na yan?
Weird Meaning: INDEPENDENCE - What the powerful countries want their former colonies to be as long as they do everything they dictate.
US Embassy advisory to veterans
BADANG: Dehado talaga ang mga beterano dito sa pension. Ano kaya ang nararapat gawin para ibandilang tayo’y Pilipino at hindi sunod sunuran laang kaya sobrang kinakawawa.
TWINKLE: We can only claim being Filipinos if we can show other countries especially the US that we did not fight wars because of our subservience to their wishes, but because we believe in causes. Yes, maybe it’s time we assert ourselvesas a people, because we are a people with our own history, culture and rights.
BADANG: Hay naku, nadamay nga lang tayo sa giyerang yan. Sya, paki-dukhaw nga yang gulok sa may banggerahan at tatabasin ko lang itong damo dine at masukal na.
Weird Meaning: War – it’s not about who’s right. It’s about who’s left.
BADANG: Busy tayo pareho nitong ilang araw, no? Ang dami ko kasing customer na CCC alumni na nakipag reunion. Oy, good news pala sa mga beteranong lumaban sa ponjaps, OK na ang pension nila!
TWINKLE: The measure is hailed by many and is seen as a victory after more than 60 years of waiting. At the same time, however, there are those who frown upon its terms that should have possibly included the widows. The surviving veterans are now in their 80s and 90s. Any form of compensation will help make the remaining days of their lives more meaningful.
BADANG: Nandito sa dyaryo nagkagulo at maraming nahagas sa termino ng pension. Pakilasa ko rito’y marami na namang fixers at tiyak may madedenggoy kesyo aasikasuhin nila ang pension kahit hindi kwalipikadong tumanggap. Hay, pag datung ang pinaguusapan!
Weird Meaning: POSSIBLY - No, in three syllables.
BADANG: Naglipana na pala ang mga pasugalan at ang siste, huwag ka't aprubado pa ng PAGCOR. Anong ganansya nito?
TWINKLE: The massive expansion of gambling outlets will result in moral decadence in society. While the government may benefit from the drastic rise of revenues, the same will cause untold miseries to families and children who may be deprived of food and education because their parents and other employed relatives maybe tempted to gamble in these outlets as these are now easily accessible.
BADANG: Noon, kampante na sa sabong at jueteng, ngayon, dami na palang ibang juego at legal pa. Natabunan na ang entre-cuatro, pekwa, pares-pares, pusoy at tong-its.
Weird Meaning: GAMBLING - The sure way of getting nothing for something. |
BADANG: Isusulong raw ng administrasyon ang pagbabago ng konstitusyon para ang mga dayuhan ay malayang makabili ng lupain sa Pinas.
TWINKLE: Foreign ownership of land shall only increase the widening divide between the country’s haves and have-nots, as foreigners with overwhelming financial capital shall soon be able to purchase agricultural, timber, mining, industrial, and commercial lands, subjecting our national economy further to the severe fluctuations of an erratic international capitalist system.
BADANG: Putragis naman eh marami nga sa atin, walang sariling lupa na madukal. Lalabas nyan, utay utay na tayong siyang magiging dayuhan sa sariling bayan.
Weird Meaning: Capitalist - One who will do almost anything for the poor except get off their backs
BADANG: Hindi ko mawari, bakit ba may krisis pinansyal at nangtatanggal ng workers?
TWINKLE: At present, corporations are not borrowing to expand their businesses. They instead continue to shed workers and employees as demand for their products and services continue to decline. And consumers are not buying because they want to conserve their funds out of fear that they may lose their jobs. The vicious cycle rolls on and on. Where and when it stops, no one seems to know.
BADANG: Nalumod ko tuloy itong minukmok sa sinabi mo. Ang nakuha ko lang dyan, mabuti itong entrepreneurial endeavor ko, hindi nawawalan ng parokyano and the demand for my services goes unabated kahit pabarya-barya lang.
Weird Meaning: CORPORATION – An artificial person that can do everything but make love.
BADANG: Ano ba ang dapat magandang gawin ng gobyerno para maayudahan agad ang mga OFWs na biglang nawalan ng trabaho na hindi pa man lang nakakabawi sa kanilang ginastos puntang abroad?
TWINKLE: Congress should pass a financial & transition package to enable displaced workers to partly settle outstanding loans or maintain their families’ upkeep is an imperative confidence-building measure. Unless they are given cash assistance to help their families, these workers would have a difficult time finding new jobs or setting up a even a small business.
BADANG: Seryosong bagay ito. Para may habagat na biglang tatagbik ang dagat at kung ikaw ay mahina ang katig ng sibidsibiran, hindi ka na makasarsar sa puntor.
Weird Meaning: CONGRESS –A body of men brought together to slow down the government.
BADANG: Talo na raw tayo ng ibang bansa sa Asia sa pag-iingles kaya dapat English na ang gawing pagtuturo sa mga iskul.
TWINKLE: To improve proficiency in English, all we must do is teach our pupils in elementary and high school English composition and grammar subjects and possibly literature. But at present, the medium of instruction must be the language they are most familiar with. We have already made great strides with Filipino. Some sectors just don’t want our national language be associated with Tagalog, but it's the medium being understood by almost everybody.
BADANG: Tumpak ka dyan, kaya ikasa mo! Basta tayo otid sa Gaualac, OK ngarud mapasa ingles, Tagalog, Bicol, Bisaya. Mayroon pa tayong Calauag Lingo na pwede ring bigkasin ng pabaligtad.
Weird Meaning: PRESENT - That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope.
BADANG: Umiingay na naman ang eleksiyon. Ang kapansin-pansin, dehins natin alam ngayon kung sa aling partido talaga kabilang ang isang kandidato.
TWINKLE: Amid the emerging circus, people stand confused about what the political parties really stand for. Right now they simply appear to be engines that would take candidates places, but when it comes to conviction, they are all wishy-washy, whether they be administration or opposition..
BADANG: Now pa laang, masasayod mo na ang mga namimintol sa dalawang river na ang paboritong prutas ay balimbing. Kung baga, kung saan liligaya doon sila. Public service.. ano yun?
Weird Meaning: CIRCUS – Animals acting like people and people acting like monkeys.
BADANG: Mga nakaraang araw, ang usapan ay bailout pero ngayon, may economic stimulus naman. Nakakatimang ang usapang ganire, ano bagang meaning nun?
TWINKLE: "Economic stimulus" has become a buzzword for packages mean to shield the country from the effects of the global financial crisis. In practice, it has become a procrustean category created to accommodate any kind of spending remotely related to improving the people’s well-being based on statistician’s numbers.
BADANG: Awan sa iyo, alaws akong nasimut sa inimik mo. Ay ano ba yan, nagpapaliritan na ang mga bulaw! Kunin mo nga yung sagmaw at dadalhin ko sa banlin para ibahog sa aking mga alaga.
Weird Meaning: STATISTICIAN - A man who draws a mathematically precise line from an unwarranted assumption to a foregone conclusion.
BADANG: Lasa ko'y masaya ang iyong morning! Paulit ulit mong pinakinggan inaugural speech ni Obama a! Alin ba ang OKs na parte?
TWINKLE: This part when he said and I quote: “To those who cling to power through corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent, know that you are on the wrong side of history; but that we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist.”
BADANG: Patutsada ata yan sa ating gobyerno, di kaya? Ay sya, magpaanyo na at ano bang ulam na mabibili dyan sa kanto? Sana may kandingga o ginangang talimago.
Weird Meaning: Morning - The time of day when the rising generation retires and the retiring generation rises.
BADANG: Higpit daw ng security sa toma posisyon ni Obama. Ano ba itong sinabi nya nasa dyaryo?
TWINKLE: Obama said: "We've heard your stories on the campaign trail. We have been touched by your dreams, and we will fight for you every single day that we're in Washington because Joe and I are committed to leading a government that is accountable not just to the wealthy or to the well-connected, but to you."
BADANG: Oy, binanggit pa si Joe!? Sana, walang ka-echosan ang say ng isang expert na si Obama ang susi sa tunay na pagbabago sa Tate!
Weird Meaning: EXPERT – A guy who can complicate the hell out something simple.
BADANG: Ano ba ang mga sinabi ng hepe ng Korte Suprema at siyang paksa ng usapan sa tv at radio?
TWINKLE: Chief Justice Puno says, “There is thus an unbending obligation on the part of those who lead government to provide its moral ballast. A government that is morally fragile cannot withstand the evils that will buffet it. To be sure, a government afflicted with moral leprosy deserves nothing but the graveyard.”
BADANG: Ay baga! Pero hindi ko rin maarok, very deep so deep ang ingles kasi. Alam mo naman, grade 4 sec. B lang tayo doon sa lumang iskul.
Weird Meaning: GRAVEYARD - A place in which the dead are laid to await the coming of the medical students.
BADANG: Sagadsad ang reklamo ng isa kong minanikyur, dedma raw ata ang gobyerno sa lagay ng ating ekonomiya kaya maraming poor tulad nya. Lasa ko’y style laang nya para hindi ako abutan ng tip eh patay na ang mga kuko ng bruha.
TWINKLE: We need to be aggressive in our policies to resuscitate a depressed economy. If our policies are weak, half-hearted and unfocused, we risk falling into a tailspin of less spending and slower growth. Government’s role is to provide temporary life support to the economy until it can prop itself up, while creating a cushion for its citizens.
BADANG: Kung sa US of A, baka mangyari yang nililitanya mo. Ay awan dito sa atin, oragon laang sa satsatan
Weird Meaning: ECONOMY – The situation where everything is obviously wanting in terms of the incomprehensible.
BADANG: Umuusok na pinaguusapan ang kaso ng Alabang Boys na sangkot sa droga. Iksplika mo nga kung bakit parang may moro-moro na namang umaalingasaw? TWINKLE: In reality, the agency tasked anti-drugs enforcement are dead-set against the further proliferation of illegal drugs but the government prosecutors do not seem to sense any urgency or even understand the problems that drugs bring to this country. Either that or they have succumbed to the billions that the drug trade dispenses to those who will look the other way.
BADANG: Hmmm... may cashunduang nangyari kaya nagiistokadahan ang mga damuho. Parang komedia katulad noong napapanood natin noong araw.
Weird Meaning: DRUGS – Prescribed medicines if bought from the pharmacy to cure malady. Unprescribed medicines if bought somewhere to bring ecstacy.
BADANG: Dehins tayo nagkita ng few days, ano? Teka, ano ba itong blogging na gamit ang computer?
TWINKLE: Today, blogging, apart from being both a narcissistic and cathartic exercise of self-expression among millions, is a potent information tool. News organizations use it to complement their journalism (take note: complement, not supplant). Activists use it to promote their cause. Victims use it to right a wrong.
BADANG: Grabe naman sinabi mo, ni kapirangot alaw akong nahagip. Hindi ko madalumat at malapirot ang kahulugan. Yano yan!
Weird Meaning:
BLOGGING – Because it's thru the internet, person/s can praise and be recognized or attack others in anonymity.
BADANG: Ano raw ba’t ang daming sundalo naglipana sa Kamaynilaan?
TWINKLE: Soldiers have better things to do than pounding the pavement or going the round of malls. Their presence is needed more in rebellion-plagued areas than in the Metro Manila. If the soldiers are on re-training, let them enjoy the holidays with their families too instead of imposing additional duties on them.
BADANG: Walandyo naman yang pag-inarteng yan. Mga sundalo nama’y bigyan ng tsansa makapiling ng kanilang pamilya. Anak ng jueteng, ang tumama ay 25-1, anunsyo ng krismas at new year!
Weird Meaning: JUETENG - A number game which makes the “beneficiaries” waiting for their intelligencia every bola.
BADANG: Sino sa palagay ko ang mas matimbang na maging Person or Persons of the Year 2008?
TWINKLE: If we are to have a choice for the Person/s of the Year award, I will give it to the overseas workers for two reasons. First, they continue to shore up the country’s economy through their remittances in as much as $15 billion and second. their willingness to sacrifice. Many leave their families to work abroad. Indeed, the social costs of the migration phenomenon cannot be quantified.
BADANG: May tama ka dyan! Ang nakaka ispanta nga laang, kapag may problema ang mga OFWs, usad pagong naman ang tulong na ibinibigay, kung mayroon man.
Weird Meaning: MIGRATION - A headache birds get when they fly down for the winter.
BADANG: May panukalang batas pala na inililipat ang Rizal’s Day from December 30 to June 19, sa kanyang birthday mismo. Anong say mo todits?
TWINKLE: The death of our national hero, Dr. Jose P. Rizal, summed up his life, held the record of what he had become, and defined its meaning. Rizal declined the blindfold and chose to be shot on his feet, standing and head high. He’s more remembered in death upon which sparked a movement for a nation to be born.
BADANG: Anak ng kamoteng may ta-nga, ba't naman pati Rizal’s Day ay kinakalantari eh sang rekwa ang problema na dapat atupagin. Kung hindi ka naman abutin ng kanas-kanas ng pagka aduwa.
Weird Meaning: DEATH – A sure cure for insomnia.
BADANG: Sino sa palagay ko ang mas matimbang na maging Person or Persons of the Year 2008?
TWINKLE: If we are to have a choice for the Person/s of the Year award, I will give it to the overseas workers for two reasons. First, they continue to shore up the country’s economy through their remittances in as much as $15 billion and second. their willingness to sacrifice. Many leave their families to work abroad. Indeed, the social costs of the migration phenomenon cannot be quantified.
BADANG: May tama ka dyan! Ang nakaka ispanta nga laang, kapag may problema ang mga OFWs, usad pagong naman ang tulong na ibinibigay, kung mayroon man.
Weird Meaning: MIGRATION - A headache birds get when they fly down for the winter.
BADANG: Sabi ng isang kararating lang na balikbayan, wala na raw sasaya kapag nasa Pinas ka kapag Christmas.
TWINKLE: Christmas to me is what Christmas is to most Filipinos. It is full of generosity and laughter, shrieks and squeals of children as they open their presents, of forgiving and letting bygones be bygones, of food beyond imagination that defy the advice of doctors. Christmas is for family, for relatives, for friends, for office mates, for associates, for everyone.
BADANG: Dito lang sa atin, aguyod pauwing probins sa kapaskuhan. At ang pinakamasayang parte, siempre, muling pagkikita ng dabarkads at nauuwi sa masayang kwentuhan, kantahan at ano pa ba, e di inuman.
Weird Meaning: LAUGHTER - The sensation of feeling food all over and showing it principally in one spot.
BADANG: Dapat ba tayong mawalan ng pagasa sa mga kaganapan dito sa Pinas?
TWINKLE: Interestingly, majority of the people of various educational background, whether they were without formal education or had elementary or secondary education or even finished college, were consistently not losing hope for the better. And neither the respondent’s age nor gender had any bearing on the people clinging to hope, or hoping against hope,
BADANG: Dapat talaga atapang atao tayo, may fighting spirit. Pahiram muna nga ng salapi dyan, may napaginip ako kagabi, tatayaan ko kung anong anunsyo ng ating kubrador ng jueteng,
Weird Meaning: EDUCATION – Teaching a child how to talk then how to keep quiet.
BADANG: Pwede raw bang idemanda ang isang senador sa kanyang pagsasalita na may kasamang pagmumura ng p____ina?
TWINKLE: We can take comfort from what has been cited favorably by our own high court which says that the government has no right to cleanse public debate to the point where it is grammatically palatable to the most squeamish among us. For, while the [F word] is perhaps more distasteful than most others of its genre, it is nevertheless often true that one man’s vulgarity is another’s lyric.
BADANG: Ano ba yan, pagmumura lang pinagtatalunan pa. Ang tularan nila ang mga taga Gaualac Republik. Sa halip na p___ina, ang isigaw ay tumataginting na “yano yan ay!” Tiyak, walang away, dibah naman?
Weird Meaning: DEBATE – Babble instead of battle.
BADANG: Ang daming naglalabasang news na nagbabawas ng kawani ang mga foreign companies dito sa Pinas. Magpapasko pa naman.
TWINKLE: Texas Instruments Philippines Inc. is the first American-led firm to let go of its employees, as the initial impact of the United States recession trickles down to the Philippines. The labor sector is apprehensive the personnel laid offs will intensify because of the campaign promise of President-elect Obama to slowdown outsourcing operation to enable the creation of more US-based jobs.
BADANG: Paktaylugaw! Esep-esep kung paano mabubuhay sa halip na maglupasay. Basta ako, walang humpay ang aking entrepreneurial endeavor which cater to men and women who needs my services with my unquetionable dexterity in pagmamanikyur ng paa.
Weird Meaning: NEWS – The disasters of the day.
BADANG: Yehey, Quezon pa rin tayo! Ano sa palagay mo at bakit ayaw ng nakararaming taga Quezon na hatiin ang probinsya?
TWINKLE: A proponent to divide Quezon was maybe misquoted in saying that “We want to eradicate poverty but it was also poverty that killed the law", in alluding to the marginalized sector as having been bribed to vote for NO. What they failed to realize is that the Quezonians are thinking people and while they’re aware of poverty, dividing the province, supposedly to pave the road to progress, is nothing but lip service. It is tainted with hidden political agenda. Simple people knows simple arithmetic.
BADANG: Awantaba sa mga yan, akala nila, just-just lang tayong mga poor at dehins natin alam, may butas yung batas. Ni wala palang resolution sa Kanto Aryang na gusto natin ng carne norte. Say ng isang naglalako ng pirated dvd, isang YES campaigner ang nag-abot sa kanya ng 100, pero NO pa rin ibinoto nya.
Weird Meaning: DIVISION – It is the convenient and simplified approach if one is thinking on how to do a faster multiplication.
BADANG: Suma-total, bumaba raw ang remittances na nanggagaling sa mga working aboad.
TWINKLE: It essentially confirms analysts' expectations that the pace of remittances would slow down as the global credit crisis and recession in the developed countries put jobs--including those of migrant workers'--at risk.
BADANG: Mag inot-inot na rin tayong kumayod dito sa atin at hindi asa na lang sa padala. Buti na lang konti ang kompetensya ko sa pagmamanikyur ng paa.
Weird Meaning: CREDIT CRISIS – It’s like borrowing from a bank which you need to prove that you don’t need the money before a credit is extended to you.
BADANG: Hindi mahulugang karayom ang nag-rally sa Makati nong isang araw!!!
TWINKLE: While the numbers at the rally were not of the scale that would intimidate the administration from pushing its constitutional revision project, there are warnings that the demonstrations represent the head winds of a storm that is ready to break out if the forces behind Cha-cha ignore them.
BADANG: Tantanan na nga muna yang cha-cha. Unahin na muna ang ekonomiya. Heto nga’t nag aagwanta na lang tayo sa hawo’t three times a day.
Weird Meaning: STORM – An atmospheric reaction to the highs and lows of the political situation which is known in local parlance as weder weder.
BADANG: Sandamakmak palang problema ang kinakaharap ng uupong president ng Tate.
TWINKLE: Not only is Obama saddled with lingering wars in Iraq and Afghanistan that he is inheriting but he also must deal with a deepening recession in the U.S. and a spreading global economic crisis; an automotive industry on the brink of collapse and soaring national debt; increasing unemployment and its ripple effects and the threat of terrorism amid a historic transfer of power.
BADANG: Wa epek naman sa Noypi yan. Araw-araw, umaaguyod pa rin ang nag-aaplay puntang US of A.
Weird Meaning: RECESSION – The much awaited time by the legislators because when the Congress is in recess, there’s no session.
BADANG: Narinig ko sa radio, parang wardi-wardi ang war sa Mindanao. Hindi maintindihan kung ano talaga.
TWINKLE: Indeed even to this day, the administration could not provide a coherent account of how it intends to deal with secessionism. One day we get the impression that negotiations remain the favored track. The next day we get the impression that militarily crushing the secessionist has supplanted the policy of seeking a political settlement.
BADANG: Ang pornada, ang mga tao dun. Oy, makikipag bangkayan ako sa pumanaw na kaibigang Otiv.
Weird Meaning: WAR – It does not determine who is right. Only who is left.
BADANG: Ano ba ng klaseng namumuno ang kailangan natin para mabago ang takbo ng gobyerno?
TWINKLE: This country needs leaders of heroic and nationalist stature who would champion genuine independence in every aspect of our national life... abandon obscene foreign debt payment, push industrialization, sustainable agrarian reform and ensuring food independence.
BADANG: Kung sino ang mga yan, ang lasa ko’y hirap sinuhin nyan. Animoy naghahanap ka ng tungaw sa bunton ng mga dayami.
Weird Meaning: NATIONAL LIFE – Something that an individual or even the population needs. It's our life insurance.
BADANG: Ang mga newapapers, radio at tv reports ay hindi magkantoto kung paano i-describe ang laban at panalo ni Pakyaw. Hala nga, iyo raw sampolan.
TWINKLE: Fight after fight, battle after battle, war after war, we have run out of words to describe the magic of Pacman’s razzle-dazzle, his spins, punches and counterblows, as we have thanked him for unifying the nation in the most unusual, most physical, visual and spectacular ways. If only the rules of the game – and its best practitioners – could teach us how to apply them in our elections and political life.
BADANG: Tigmaok sila sa description mo, talagang walang olat. Kaya pala may nag suggest na gawan ng rebulto si Pakyaw bilang bayani.
Weird Meaning: NEWSPAPERS – Something to read where the most reliable news is what day is today.
BADANG: Bugbog sarado si Oca pero sabi sa news, he’s good loser.
TWINKLE: So devastating was Pacquiao that he practically wrapped up the game when Oca’s left face started to swell in the fourth round. And when Oca flashed traces of weakness, Pacquiao went for the kill, unleashing a damaging flurry of head and body punches silencing the crowd rooting for Oca and time for the Filipinos to roar in boisterous and thunderous shouts of victory.
BADANG: Nang itaas ang kamay ni Pacquiao sa kanyang panalo, naispatan ko ang mga pulitiko natin, aba’y nakaka-adap pagmasdan. Nakikipag-gitgitan para mahagip ng TV camera.
Weird Meaning: GOOD LOSER – An athlete who who is capable of telling reporters to believe he enjoys being beaten.
BADANG: Nanalo ako pagpusta kay Pakyaw. Mga magju-jueteng at tricycle drivers ang kapustahan ko. Dehadista kasi ako.
TWINKLE: Manny Pacquiao has indeed accomplished a boxing history. While he was an underdog to bookies and matchmakers abroad, he was already a winner to all Filipinos. We are all truly proud because his victory is a “saving grace” to the country amid all the political and economic turmoil caused by the global recession.
BADANG: Sargo ang face ni Hoya, nagka uka-uka sa tindi ng pagka deliver ng suntok ni Pakyaw. Pero kuryugon din si Hoya, umayaw na. Maka-otalab kaya tayo dyan?
Weird Meaning: DELIVER - An organ in de body.
BADANG: Kung babaguhin ang saligang batas, dapat pagtuunan ng pansin yung mga kamag-anak na pulitiko ang siyang naghahari. Nagiging coward tuloy ang ibang gustong maglingkod sa bayan.
TWINKLE: Verbose to a fault, our present constitution carried with it the favorite theories of the framers on the state, governance and even basic rights. Which is why many of the dream provisions such as the anti-dynasty initiative got mangled in implementation.
BADANG: Kung may hidden agenda ang magpapairal ng batas, ala ring kahihinatnan. Oy, magpa-anyo ka na nga at wait natin laban ni Pakyaw.
Weird Meaning: COWARD - One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs
BADANG: Hindi na dyok yan kung sa kulungan mag-krismas si Jocjoc Bolante!
TWINKLE: It’s Bolante’s fault why he was arrested, because he does not want to tell the truth even if he is under oath. From the start, we can see he is guilty because, instead of facing the Senate investigation, he chose to leave and hide in the United States.
BADANG: Nood ko sa TV, talagang mahahagas ka rito kay Jocjoc, tinding humiwat sa mga tanong sa kanya. Finance wizard daw ito kaya tantya tuloy ng marami, ang dami nyang naisubing datung.
Weird Meaning: FINANCE – The art of passing money from one hand to another until it finally disappears.
WAIS ANG PINAY
Maria, a Pinay DH asked for a pay increase.
The wife was very upset about this and asked: 'Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?'
Maria: 'Well Señora, there are three reasons why I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you.'
Wife: 'Who said you iron better than me?'
Maria: 'Your husband said so.'
Wife: 'Oh.'
Maria: 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.'
Wife: 'Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?'
Maria: 'Your husband did.'
Wife: 'Oh.'
Maria: 'My third reason is that I am a better lover than you.'
Wife (really furious now): 'Did my husband say that as well?'
Maria: 'No Señora, the gardener did.'
SHE GOT THE RAISE
Thanks to our anonymous sender for the following joeks)
NANAY: O, Junior! Ba’t puro pasa ka?! Basagulero ka talaga! Manang-mana ka sa tatay mo! Sino ba’ng nakaaway mo?
JUNIOR: Si Michael po, ‘yung pogi sa tapat.
TATAY: Halika, resbakan natin!
JUNIOR: ‘Wag na po, ‘Tay. Hindi na po kailangan. Nakipag-break na po ako sa kanya…
::::::::::
ARAL: Hindi pamantayan ng relasyon na pag hiningan ka ng P500 ng gwapo eh magsyota na kayo.
***
ROMY: Hindi ako nakatulog kagabi.
JOSE: Bakit naman?
ROMY: Hindi ko kasi alam kung paano ko babayaran ang utang ko kay kay pareng Val.
JOSE:Sabihin mo sa kanya, wala kang pera… para siya naman ang hindi makatulog!
***
Sa isang bilangguan…
WARDEN: Sa araw na ‘to, lahat kayo ay magkakaroon ng bagong brief!
MGA PRESO: Yehe! Ambait n’yo, Warden!
WARDEN: Okey… sa mga taga-Salda Uno at Selda Dos, magpalitan na kayo ng brief!
***
Sabi ng crush ko, “Pwede, tabi tayo sa exam?”
Tanong ko sa kanya, “Kokopya ka?”
Sagot niya, “Nope! Coz I feel perfect when I’m beside you!”
Du’n ako nanghina! Bagsak tuloy ako!
***
Naglalaro sina Totoy at Nene…
NENE: Laro tayo ng iba!
TOTOY: Sige, kahit ano, ikaw ang bahala, Basta, ‘wag lang tagu-taguan.
NENE: Bakit naman?
TOTOY: Because I girl like you is impossible to find.
***
HOLDAPER: Miss, holdap ‘to! Ibibigay mo ang pera mo o gagahasain kita? Mamili ka – pera o puri?
GIRL: Ang cute mo, alam mo ba ‘yun? Kunin mo na pareho… madali naman akong kausap, eh!
***
NOON: Kung gusto mong maagang mamatay, umakyat ka sa rooftop at tumalon.
NGAYON: Kahit ayaw mo pang mamatay, maaari kang mamatay kapag sumakay ka sa bus.
***
Bakit masarap kausap ang taong mahilig magpatawa?
#1 Hirit pa lang niya, panalo na.
#2 Lagi kayong masaya kahit problemado na.
#3 Magaling magdala kahit sablay na.
#4 Hindi ka talaga tatanda sa katatawa.
#5 Pag naging seryoso, talagang tatamaan ka.
#6 Sigurado, malalahian ka ng matalino. Mahirap yatang mag-isip para makapagpatawa.
#7 Kahit sinaktan mo na, feeling mo, OK lang sa kanya… hindi mo alam, halos mamatay na siya dahil hindi niya alam kung paano siya makakaiyak nang hindi mo mahahalata.
Astig, ‘di ba?
***
May mga bagay sa mundo… may mga tao rin… may mga hayop pa nga, eh…
Saka halaman.
***
KATHY: Madam, napariwara po ako. Gusto ko pong magpahula.
MADAM VUHALA: Ayon sa bolang kristal, walang prediksyon ngayon sa ‘yo! Bahala ka muna sa buhay mo!
***
MISTER: Madam, magpapahula po ako.
MADAM VUHALA: Iwasang mag-text habang nagmo-motor ka. Baka ma-wrong send ka at kay misis mo maipadala ang message na para sa kabit mong GRO.
***
MARK: Madam, negosyante po ako. Pwede po bang magpahula?
MADAM VUHALA: Kikita ka ng maraming pera kung titingnan mo ito… kita mo?
***
MISTER: Madam, magpapahula po ako.
MADAM VUHALA: Itigil mo na ang paggamit ng helmet. Lalo na kung wala ka namang motor. At baka may matawa sa ‘yo!
***
TAMBAY: Madam, isa po akong tambay. Ano’ng hula n’yo sa akin?
MADAM VUHALA: Wala ang sagot sa tanong mo kung may suweldo ka ba sa buwan na ‘to. Wala! Sapagkat wala ka namang trabaho!
***
ALAMAT NG ALAMAT
Isang araw, kumatok si Mat sa bahay ni Jeff.
MAT: Jeff, may suka ba kayo d’yan?
JEFF: Ala, Mat.
***
Friends are funny and cute!
I mean, look at us… ‘di ba, tayo ang ebidensya nito? Ako ang cute at ikaw ang funny!
Bwa! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
***
Don’t hurt the heart who didn’t hurt your heart
But heart the hurt who hurt your hurt
But how can you hurt the hurt who hurt your heart if
She sells seashells by the seashore?
O, tongue twister lang ‘yan! Huwag mag-emote!
***
Love can move mountains. It can clean dark grey clouds in the sky.
Love can give colors to the uncolorful ones.
And love can remove all underwears!
***
ALING NENA: Lahat ng congressman, magnanakaw!
MIGUEL: Ang sakit n’yo naman pong magsalita!
ALING NENA: Bakit? Congressman ka ba?
MIGUEL: Hindi po! Magnanakaw po ako!
***
GIRL: Baka naman malusaw ako niyan sa katititig mo.
BOY: Ganu’n ba? Parang ice cream?
GIRL: Oo. Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi!
BOY: Halika nga rito… didilaan kita!
***
BOY: Uy! Patulong naman sa essay. Kailangan ko ng topic.
GIRK: Uhmm, ok. Saan ka ba interesado?
BOY: Sa ‘yo.
***
Athlete ka ba? Kasi, kanina ka pa naglalaro sa isip ko, eh…
Runner ka ba? Kasi, kanina ka pa tumatakbo sa puso ko…
***
Hindi mo ba naririnig?
Para akong cellphone na nagri-ring… bakit hindi mo pa ako sagutin?!
***
QUOTABLE QUOTES
“Better late than pregnant.”
“Pag may tiyaga, good luck.”
“Aanhin pa ang damo, kabayo ba ako?”
“Pag binato ka ng bato, kawawa ka naman.”
“Kung may isinuksok, may mabubuntis.”
“It’s better to give, much better to receive.”
“Cleanliness is next to Godliness. Oiliness is next to blemishes.”
“Ang taong naglalakad nang matulin, pawisin.”
“Pagkahaba-haba man ng prusisyon, mauubusan din ng kandila.”
“Honesty… is such a lonely word.”
***
Ilang beses ka mang maligo at uminom ng tubig… Buksan mo man ang aircon at i-on ang electric fan…
Kung katabi mo naman ako, talagang mag-iinit ka!
***
Mukha ba akong kalendaryo?
Ang dami kasing nagtatanong ng date, eh!
***
Free ka ba tomorrow? Samahan mo naman ako sa psychiatrist ko…
Magdala raw kasi ako ng kinababaliwan ko, eh!
***
Kunwari, dictionary ka…
Sigurado, kahit saang page mo tingnan, hindi mo ako mahahanap.
Wala naman kasi akong meaning sa ‘yo, eh.
***
Life is full of rewards.
If you eat properly, exercise and take good care of yourself for 60 years… what’s your reward?
A Senior Citizen card! 20% discount!
***
It’s really hard to wait for the right person in your life… especially if the wrong ones are so cute!
***
Mahirap ‘pag walang nagmamahal sa ‘yo. Wala kang karamay sa problema. Walang kausap. Malamig ang Valentine’s.
Pero mas mahirap mag-isa pag nakasakay ka sa see-saw.
***
REPORTER: Anong pagkakapareho nina Jose Rizal, Andres Bonifacio at Ninoy Aquino?
PEPE: Sa pagkakaalam ko… lahat sila, namatay nang holiday!
***
==
LOVE STORY in Limits of a Function…
BOY: Do you know that my love for you is like the limit of a constant over a variable as the variable approaches zero?
GIRL: Ano ‘yun?
BOY: Infinity!
GIRL: Ganu’n? Eh alam mo bang ang love ko sa ‘yo ay parang limit of a function of x as x approaches a if the function of x is equal to c if x is greater than a, and is equal to d if x is less than or equal to a?
BOY: Ano naman ‘yun?
GIRL: Does not exist!
NONOY: Bakit po tinawag kayong Sebyong Taga? Wala naman kayong taga sa katawan at wala kayong hawak na itak.
SEBYO: Alam mo kasi, Nonoy… ako ang tagalaba, tagasampay, tagaplantsa, tagasaing at tagalinis sa bahay
BOOB-TUBE BOOBOOS!!!
HOST: When will your regional conference be held?
Guest: It will be on the second year of January.
(Uh, come again?)
* * *
Host: What is your prediction about the economy for 2009?
Guest: With all of our financial crisis, there will be an inflatutory effect.
(Congratulations, you’ve coined a new word!)
* * *
Host: What will you be sharing with our viewers in this portion of our show?
Guest: For the store owners out there, we have tips on how to attack your customers.
(Pity the poor customer!)
Activities
Host: Tell us about your group’s activities.
Guest: We have very active members, and we mate every month.
(—How active can you get?)
* * *
Host: With so many firecracker injuries last New Year, how can people injured administer first aid?
Guest: For firecracker injuries, first, just clean them with water and soup.
(One man’s soap is another man’s soup . . .)
* * *
Host: What do you like to do to relax?
Guest: I like to go to the beach, listening while relaxing to the wiping of the water.
(Hark! The water wipes!)
* * *
Host: What are the make-up trends for 2009?
Guests: In na in, eyeshadow this year has to be splashy.
(One make-up artist’s flashy is another make-up artist’s splashy?)
* * *
Host: What is your order to your people during this military mission?
Guest: If they fire us, we will fire them!.
(Fire away!)
* * *
Concert
Host: How was your last concert—was it successful?
Guest: More than! All the people watching, their faces were clapping!
(That’s quite a trick.)
* * *
Host: Why did you choose her for your model?
Guest: To showcase my hairstyle, she’s the best, because kanyang personality, napaka-humane and simplicity.
(Let’s hear it for humane!)
TIRED OF DOING YOUR JOB EVERYDAY? Here are five tips for something new… 1. Sikmuraan ang unang taong makasalubong at humingi ng sorry. *** * ***
Symptoms of a CERTIFIED TAKEN:
Mga PAMATAY na HIRIT *** *** *** *** |
1 Funny quote in Tagalog
Kung kaya ng iba, aba eh di ipagawa mo sa kanila
50 Funny Quotes in English
1. Borrow money from a pessimist - they don’t expect it back .
2. Young men want to be faithful, and are not; old men want to be faithless, and cannot.
3.Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
4. I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying. (Oscar Wilde)
5.Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers. (Homer Simpson)
6.I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. ( Whitney Brown )
7.When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity. (Albert Einstein)
8. Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge. (Jerry Seinfeld)
9.Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’? (Jay Leno)
10. One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.” (George W. Bush)
11. Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back. (Al Bundy)
12. The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education. (Albert Einstein)
13. My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher. (Socrates)
14.Gas is getting so expensive I’m gonna ride a mexican to work. (Chris Rock)
15. Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little
bit of support, and a little bit of freedom. (Jerry Seinfeld )
16Never stand between a dog and the hydrant. (John Peers)
17. I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy. (Steve Martin)
18.Only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it. (Lyndon B. Johnson)
19. Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home. (Bill Cosbey)
20. If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work. (George Carlin)
21.If you are going through hell, keep going. (Winston Churchill )
22.Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. (Mark Twain)
23.If you love your job, you haven’t worked a day in your life. (Tommy Lasorda )
24.A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths. (Steven Wright)
25.You tried, and you failed, so the lesson is, never try. (Homer J. Simpson)
26.Every man is guilty of all the good he didn’t do. (Voltaire)
27.When an actor marries an actress they both fight for the mirror. (Burt Reynolds)
28. Absence — that common cure of love. (Miguel De Cervantes)
29.Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use. (Wendell Johnson)
30.It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose. (Weinberg)
31.As to marriage or celibacy, let a man take the course he will. He will be sure to repent. (Socrates)
32.A husband is what’s left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted. (Helen Rowland)
33.Never insult an alligator until after you have crossed the river. (Cordel Hull)
34.I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. (Winston Churchill)
35.There are three faithful friends—an old wife, an old dog, and ready money. (Benjamin Franklin)
36.The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate. (Franklin P. Jones)
37.All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should
have been more specific. ( Jane Wagner)
38.The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new
discoveries, is not ‘Eureka!’ (I found it!) but ‘That’s funny …’ ( Isaac Asimov )
39.Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much. (Oscar Wilde)
40.Doing nothing is very hard to do…you never know when you’re finished. (Leslie Nielsen)
41. The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work. (Robert Frost)
42.The person who writes for fools is always sure of a large audience. (Arthur Schopenhauer)
43.An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her.(Agatha Christie)
44.I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception. (Groucho Marx)
45.Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere.(Mae West)
46.Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. (Benjamin Franklin)
47.Dancing: the vertical expression of a horizontal desire. (George Bernard Shaw)
48. Don’t knock masturbation. It’s sex with someone I love. (Woody Allen)
49. All women are good - good for nothing, or good for something. (Miguel De Cervantes)
50. Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else. (Will Rogers)
BAGONG TAON, BAGONG BUHAY! (Jan. 1, 2009) NEW YEAR'S JOKES HUWAG SERYOSOHIN ang mga kabulastugang natitipon sa pitak na ito. Joeks laang, napulot laang ng best friend nating si KALANTOG (Berdey rin nya ngayon, kasabay ng New Year! Happy bday, Gninre!) | |
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ANG SABI DA, MALAS DAW
ANG FRIDAY, DA
There is no reliable evidence that Friday the 13th was considered to be especially inauspicious before the late nineteenth century, though both Friday and the number thirteen were separately identified as negative. Because of this, attempts to explain the superstition with reference to historical events are speculative.
One proposed origin relates to the Last Supper. Judas, the thirteenth guest, was instrumental in the Crucifixion of Jesus, which happened on a Friday.
Other theories offered in relation to Friday suggest that Eve offered the apple to Adam on a Friday or the slaying of Abel happened on a Friday (though the Bible does not identify the days of the week when these events occurred).
It is also sometimes claimed that the superstition derived from the massacre of the Knights Templar on Friday October 13, 1307. King Philip IV of France ordered the destruction of the Templars, after having claimed that they were engaged in heretical practices. Philip sent letters to his forces all over the country with instructions to open that morning. The orders were simple - seek out and arrest all known members of the Knights, slaughter those that resisted, and capture Jacques DeMolay, the last known Grand Master of the Knights Templar. (See also History of the Knights Templar)
However, no evidence is known to link the superstition to any specific events or suggest that there is any continuity from the Middle Ages to the present day .
Ang tao na may isang relos, alam kung ano ang oras. Ang tao na may dalawang relos, kailanman hindi nakatitiyak.
Huwag tumingin kung saan ka bumagsak, kundi saan ka natalisod.
Tanawin ang buhay sa windshield, huwag sa rear-view mirror.
Maari magduda ang tao sa sinasabi mo, pero maniniwala sila sa ginagawa mo.
Pakitunguhang mabuti ang mga nakikilala mo habang papaangat sa buhay. Kakailanganin mo sila kapag pabagsak ka.
Huwag nang magpaliwanag. Hindi ’yun kailangan ng mga kaibigan, at hindi ’yun paniniwalaan ng mga kaaway.
Kapag nagpaplano ng paghihiganti, humukay ng dalawang libingan — isa para sa iyong sarili.
Ang panahong nilasap mong aksayahin ay hindi naaksaya.
Katapangan ay hindi kawalan ng takot, kundi pagkilos miski natatakot.
Kung patungo sa maling direksiyon, maari ka mag-U-turn.
Sa sarili mo ang iyong paglaki, gaano man katangkad ang ama mo.
Wala pa akong nakitang hayop na naaawa sa sarili. Lalagpak-patay sa lamig ang pipit mula sa sanga na hindi raramdam ng awa sa sarili.
Ang pinakamabisang paraan hulaan ang iyong kinabukasan ay ang paghubog mo mismo nito.
Ulit-ulitin mo sa iyong ina na mahal mo siya, bago siya pumanaw.
Panatilihing malambot at malambing ang iyong tinig.
Ngiti — pinakamurang paraan para baguhin ang iyong hitsura.
Pinakamasarap na pakiramdam ng isang lolo o lola ang kapitan ng kapapanganak na munting apo ang isang daliri.
Lahat nais tumira sa tuktok ng bundok, pero ang sarap ay habang inaakyat ito.
Mas marami kang magagawa kung hindi mo tinuturing na trabaho.
KIDS ON LOVE & MARRIAGE
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
"You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming." Alan, age 10
"No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with." Kirsten, age 10
WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
"Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then." Camille, age 10
"No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married." Freddie, age 6
HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
"Married people usually look happy to talk to other people." Eddie, age 6
"You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids." Derrick, age 8
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
"Both don't want no more kids." Lori, age 8
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
"Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough." Lynnette, age 8
"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." Martin, age 10
WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
"I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns." Craig, age 9
WHEN IS IT OK TO KISS SOMEONE?
"When they're rich." Pam, age 7
"The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that." Curt, age 7
"The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do." Howard, age 8
IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
"I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing. I'm never going to have sex with my wife. I don't want to be all grossed out." Theodore, age 8
"It's better for girls to be single, but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them." Anita, age 9
"Single is better, for the simple reason that I wouldn't want to change no diapers. Of course, if I did get married, I'd just phone my mother and have her come over for some coffee and diaper-changing." Kirsten, age 10
HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
"There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?" Kelvin, age 8
"You can be sure of one thing - the boys would come chasing after us just the same as they do now." Roberta, age 7
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
"If you want to last with your man, you should wear a lot of sexy clothes, especially underwear that is red and maybe has a few diamonds on it." Lori, age 8
"Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck." Ricky, age 10
LATEST JOEKS
(Salamat sa nagpadala na ayaw magpakilala)
“I mishu!”
Sabi ng ngongo nang makapulot ng piso.
***
Uy! Pwede ba kitang maging jacket?
Para naman mapunan mo ang malamig kong Valentine.
***
BOY: Excuse me… uhm, may I see the tag of your shirt?
GIRL: Why?
BOY: I just wanna see if you are made for me…
***
Sa isang beach resort, lumapit ang isang gwaping na lalaki sa isang babaeng naka-two-piece…
BOY: Marunong ka bang mag-swim?
GIRL: (maangas) Bakit? Mukha ba akong swimmer?
BOY: Hindi. Mukha kang pusit!
***
Sa tuktok ng bundok, nasaksihan ni Bella kung paano kuminang ang katawan ni Edward nang tamaan ito ng sikat ng araw…
BELLA: I know what you are.
EDWARD: Say it. Say it out loud! Say it!!!
BELLA: Bading ka! Bading! Puro ka foundation sa mukha, tapos, ngayon, may glitters ka pa sa katawan?! EEWWW!!!! Bading!
***
JENNY: Madam, magpapahula po ako.
MADAM VUHALA: May bago kang manliligaw sa linggong ito. Michael ang pangalan. At dalawa ang sasakyan. Isang kalabaw at isang kabayo.
***
CELESTINA: Madam, gusto ko pong magpahula.
MADAM VUHALA: May good news… Magsasawa na sa mga magaganda ang ex mo kaya babalikan ka niya!
***
Usapan ng magkumare…
ELENA: Sana, hindi ko na isinama sa kabaong ni Gabriel ‘yung celphone niya nu’ng ilibing siya.
ROSA: Bakit?
ELENA: Nag-text kasi siya. Sabi, ‘D2 na me. Sunod na u.’
***
MISIS: Anong pinakagusto mo sa akin? My pretty face or my sexy body?
MISTER: (tiningnan si misis mula ulo hanggang paa) Ang pinakagusto ko sa ‘yo… ang sense of humor mo!
***
MISTER: Love, nawawala ‘yung singsing na ibinigay mo sa akin.
MISIS: Manyak ka kasi! Kung saan-saan mo ipinapasok ‘yang daliri mo! O, ayan! Nalaglag kanina pag-ihi ni Inday!
***
MISIS: Hoy! Bakit kulang ‘tong suweldo mo, ha?!
MISTER: Ahh… ehh… inabuloy ko sa kapus-palad.
MISIS: Sinong kapus-palad?!
MISTER: ‘Yung babaeng nagsasayaw sa beerhouse… Kasi, nakahubad… Naawa ako, kaya inabutan ko ng pera… Walang damit, eh!
***
If you love someone, give your best shot…
If it doesn’t work, eh di wala.
Shot-shot na lang tayo… Tagay!!!
***
Thought of the Day:
Walang taong pangit. Nagkataon lang na ‘yung mukha nila, hindi uso.
***
May nakabanggang bading si Inday…
INDAY: How dare you, ignorant road occupant! Moving with such acceleration that cause elastic collision between my porcelain beauty and your grubby apparency of skin!
BADING: Bombalesh kang muchacha ka! Kenshulares mo makemer ang skin kong beautilicious! Never mo matorbokels and feslak ketch kung ayaw mer chenelyn makondrak chorva kita! Hala! Chupi!!!
INDAY: (Natulala at paghakbang, nahulog sa imburnal)
This February… LOVE is in the air… And I don’t care!
Mabuhay ang mga single! Ha! Ha! Ha!
***
Masakit saktan ang minamahal lalo na kung hindi mo sinasadya…
Gustuhin mo mang ituwid ang lahat ng pagkakamali mo, saka mo lang malalaman na huli na pala. Naitama na ng iba.
***
Don’t expect anything in return.
Don’t expect your efforts to be appreciated, your intelligence to be discovered and your love to be understood.
Because expecting is one way of hurting yourself.
***
Tanga raw ako kapag pinakawalan kita.
Gago raw ako kapag sinaktan kita.
Baliw raw ako kapag iniwan kita.
Eh gago pala sila, eh! Paano ko gagawin ‘yun?
Akin ka ba? Bangis!
***
A person is really special if he/she could bring out the sweetness in you… no matter how unexpressive you are.
***
Buti pa ‘yung shabu, nagpapayaman.
Ang marijuana, nagpapa-high.
Ang Ecstasy, nagpapasaya.
Eh samantalang ako, taong nagpapakatanga.
Hindi mo man lang pansing adik sa ‘yo.
***
I can’t make someone love me forever. All I can do is love someone with all my heart…
The rest is up to the person to realize my worth.
***
Masakit magmahal pag iiwan ka lang.
Masakit magmahal ng taong may mahal nang iba.
Pero alam mo, may mas masakit pa ro’n.
‘Yung iiwan ka sabay sabi, “Sorry, akala ko, mahal kita.”
***
Tingin nila sa akin, taong masayahin.
Laging nakangiti, laging nagjo-joke.
Laging ok, laging parang walang problema.
Pero minsan, naisip mo ba na ang masayang mukha ay panakip sa mga luha?
***
You may be sitting all alone today… but believe in the magic that someone is meant to sit beside you soon.
Tapos… pag puno na… aalis na ang jeep.
***
Banat para sa mga FLIRT:
“Pantal ka ba??? Bakit ang kati mo?”
***
Mapili man ang bading, kapag nalasing, bumabagsak din sa mukhang matsing!
***
Bitterness is supposed to be a taste… not a feeling.
***
Sabi nila, mali raw magmahal nang sobra.
Mali rin daw ang kulang. Kailangan daw, ‘yung tama lang.
Paano nga ba magmahal nang tama?
Kung wala ka namang syota?!
Walastik ang Noypi
(Don't laugh at this for we're betterer than the
English speaking hombres for their mangled English)
1. Thou shall make gamit “make+pandiwa”
“Let’s make pasok na to our class!”
“Wait lang! I’m making kain pa!”
“Come on na, we can’t make hintay anymore!”
2. Thou shall make kalat “noh”, “di ba” and “eh” in your pangungusap
“I don’t like to make lakad in the baha nga, noh? Eh di ba it’s like, so ewww, di ba?
“What ba? Stop nga being maarte noh!”
“Eh as if you want naman also, di ba?
3. When making describe a whatever, always say “It’s SO pang–uri!”
“It’s so malaki, you know, and so mainit!”
“I know right? So sarap nga eh!”
“You’re making me inggit naman, I’ll make bili nga my own burger.”
4. When you are lalaki, make parang punctuation “dude”, “tsong” or “pare”
“Dude, ENGANAL is so hirap, pare.” - (mikey: ENGANAL = Engineering Analysis in DLSU, FYI.)
“I know, tsong, I got bagsak nga in quiz one, eh.”
5. Thou shall know you know? I know right!
“My bag is so bigat today, you know.”
“I know, right! We have to make dala pa kase the jumbo Physics book eh!”
6. Make gawa the plural of pangalans like in English or Spanish
“I have so many tigyawats, oh!”
7. Like, when you can make kaya, always like. Like, I know right?
“Like it’s so init naman!”
“Yeah! The air–con, it’s like sira kase eh!”
8. Make yourself feel so galing by translating the last word of your sentence, you know, your pangungusap?
“Kakainis naman in the LRT! How plenty tao, you know, people?”
“It’s so tight nga there, eh, you know, masikip?”
9. Make gamit of plenty of abbreviations, you know, daglat?
“Like OMG! It’s like traffic sa EDSA.”
“I know, right? It’s so kaka!”
“Kaka?”
“Kakaasar!”
10. Make gamit the pinakamarte voice and pronunciation you have para full effect!
“I’m like, making aral at the Arrhneow!”
“Me naman, I’m from Lazzahl!”
NOON: Beauty is in
the eyes of the beholder.
NGAYON: Money is in the eyes of the holdupper.
***
T: Ano ang tawag sa pusong sumusugod?
S: Heart attack!
T: Sa pusong magnanakaw?
S: Heart Rob!
T: Sa pusong mapaglaro?
S: Pusoy!
T: Eh sa pusong two-timer?
S: Pusoy Dos!
***
the eyes of the beholder.
YANO YAN AY!
